The two are one

John Piper said, “The reason there is so much misery in marriage is not that husbands and wives seek their own pleasure, but that they do not seek it in the pleasure of their spouses.” If a husband and wife are truly one, the husband seeks his joy in the joy of his wife. He loves her as if she were his own body. He cannot cut her off any more than he can cut himself off. It is impossible for him to stop loving her.       Jesus told us that God puts a husband and wife together for His purposes. The two are one. A wife belongs to her husband, and he belongs to her. He loves her as himself. A man takes the love for himself and directs it to his wife. The physical relationship of the two becoming one flesh reflects the deeper commitment of one soul to another so that a man lives for the joy of his wife and seeks his benefit in loving her.      Jesus shows a man how to love his wife by the way that He loves His own bride, the church. Christ gave Himself up for His bride in order to sanctify her, washing her clean. “Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, as Christ loves the church, because we are members of His body.” Ephesians 5:25-30      Jesus did not wait for His bride to clean herself up. He laid down His life for her when she was a dirty unfaithful adulteress. By dying for her he evoked a response in her that brought her out of death into life. Likewise, when a man willingly and gladly dies to himself, his wife responds to the changes in him.      God wants people to be happy in their relationships, but He wants them to seek their happiness in each other. He wants a man to enjoy the eternal gift of the person that God gave him.  Those who go through the third stage will find a happiness deeper than what they experienced before. In reconciliation, one person seeks his happiness in the happiness of another.      Think about it. What’s the difference between living with yourself and living with another? Either way, you have troubles, difficulties, chores to do, debts to pay, and ways to be happy with life. You might hate the bad decisions you make, but you can never replace yourself with someone else. You must live with yourself regardless. Likewise, if the two are one, a man cannot reject his wife any more than he can reject himself. It’s impossible.