|It only takes one|
| Now let’s get started. I’m sure you’ve heard this. It takes two to tango. This is true. One person alone cannot make a relationship.
Now for the good news. It only takes one. It only takes one person to seek reconciliation. It takes one to be the first to change. It takes one person to devote himself to another, to stand firm, to hold to the course, to never quit, to keep going no matter what, to never ever give up. It takes one to control himself and to listen. It takes one to submit to God’s plan. It takes one to say, “This person is a gift from You.”
Tell me, please. Which of these things depends on the other person? Please tell me. What is it of these things that depends on the other person? You choose to love someone. You choose how to relate. You choose to be someone’s friend. Here you find independence. Your choice does not depend on the other person.
If a man wants to change his wife’s behavior, he can do so by changing himself. If he changes the way he relates to her, she has no choice but to change the way she relates to him. She must react differently, because he gives her something different to react to. By changing the rules on himself, he changes the rules on her.
In a bad relationship, two people build a wall between each other. I build a wall with my angry thoughts, my words, and my actions against you, and you build a wall likewise so that the wall is really two walls. If I point out your wall and tell you to take it down, that can actually make the wall grow bigger. The harder I try to get the wall down, the bigger and stronger it grows.
The world’s strategy for reconciliation is: “I will take down the wall I built if you take down the wall that you built.” Jesus’s strategy is simpler; “I will take down my wall.” You are more important to me than the things that stand between us.
It’s a kind of turning the other cheek, because it’s not what your opponent expects. You refuse to play the same game. You change the rules on him.
With reconciliation you look beyond the problems toward the prize, the person you choose to love. You look beyond the problems, the faults, and the sins as if they weren’t even there. Those problems are nothing. You forget the bad and focus on the good. You completely ignore the wall that the other person built against you and focus on taking down your own wall.
Our society tells us that the person who wants divorce has the upper hand, but why should we listen to this culture of death? The person who seeks reconciliation, especially with calmness and persistence, has the advantage in the situation.