Many of those who contribute to the problem of divorce are those who think they are solving it. They try to hold marriages together by their own efforts, but in effect they tear them apart.
People go to counselors to help them save their marriages, and counselors help them to complete the process of destruction. Perhaps counselors are good for speeding up the process. I do not criticize their methods for not working, but, rather, for doing the opposite of what they’re supposed to do.* Unbelieving counselors know the rules as well as Christians do, but they use them to keep people under the law. They use the rules at the expense of the relationship.
Now we need to address the elements that have crept into the church. I see two wrong “solutions” that serve to tear marriages apart. One view teaches us to work in order to keep marriages together. The other teaches us to trust in a system of compatibility to ensure that people are right for each other. Both of these views do the opposite of what they’re intended to do.
The first view teaches people that they are the creators and sustainers of their own marriages. This is a popular view that when a man marries a woman, God puts them together in response to their decision. This view acknowledges God as the enforcer of vows, but it does not acknowledge His involvement in bringing people together in the first place. Certainly, this is a step up from seeing marriage purely as a convenience, but it’s not a big step up. This still degrades the sovereign influence that God really has.
Jesus could have said, “What you promise, you must keep,” but that was not His emphasis. His emphasis, His reason for opposing divorce, was that God put the two together.
Imagine believing that God has someone for you, but He depends on you to make the right choice. If you choose the wrong one due to impure motives or a lack of prayer and patience and discernment, etc., God, sadly, must hold you to your promise. God must force you to stay with the wrong person for the rest of your life. At night you dream about the person that God intended for you to marry. This person must either remain single or go out and marry another wrong person, which could start a chain reaction. In desperation you ask God to sanctify your marriage, believing that you made your decision apart from His will. You might as well ask Him to bless an adulterous affair. Sad, yes, it’s sad that a Christian would believe such nonsense.
It only makes sense for you to ask God to sanctify something if He already has a purpose for it. He knew from eternity past what person you would choose, and He put that person in exactly the right place for you to find.
A man and woman do make their own decisions, but they do not make decisions outside of the reign of God. When a man chooses a wife, any reason he has, even a “bad” reason, stems in part from his personality. Any reason the woman has for accepting his proposal stems from her own personality. Furthermore God is involved every step of the way from the time that He placed each of them on this planet to the many circumstances and situations that brought them together to the decision He made for the marriage to happen. “What God has joined let no man separate.”
Jehovah ensures that every marriage happens for His purposes. He is obligated to Himself to reign as Lord. Ironically, the only way to find assurance in our own choices is to acknowledge the hand of God over our choices.
A man’s choice to see his wife as a gift from God does not make her a gift from God. He must choose to trust what is already true. A man’s free will does not put God in charge of his marriage. A wife is a gift from God whether her husband believes it or not. God is involved regardless of what people choose to believe.
